Why Am I NOT Surprised?

Here’s the thing: my muse hates my Nanowrimo story. There. I admit it. She hates it. I don’t know why. It’s overall pretty consistent. The main characters have great chemistry. But for some reason, it’s just not sparking the same passion I expect from one of my stories. I’m just not compelled. Motivated. Excited. The way I know I should be. The way I am with most of my stories. I blame it on the muse. She’s just bored to tears. She wants something new, yet familiar. Something where she’s more in her field, I think.

It’s just a guess. Who ever really knows what’s going on in that crazy woman’s head? I certainly don’t.  I only listen to her seductive whispers because, despite her masochistic tendencies, she’s got some interesting stories to tell.

Which is why I was not at all surprised when yesterday, while working on my Nano story, my muse perched herself on my shoulder and whispered a new secret into my ear. A very yummy, enticing little kernel. I fought her, told her I just couldn’t. Didn’t have the energy or time. Didn’t have the stamina. What does she think I am, a robot?

I tried to get her to focus. To lead me toward my next logical location in the story I was working on. She just laughed, that velvety, confident laugh of hers that rung through the air like the easy strum of a guitar. I rolled my eyes. Seriously, I said. I have to work on this story. I’m already like 3000 words behind for Nano. (That was a bit of a hyperbole, but I figured, who could appreciate something like that more than she could?) She shook her head. A wicked smirk crossed her face. And with one word, one mental image, my defenses crumbled.

Forbidden. *sigh* She knows what a sucker I am for that word. I love all things forbidden. I naturally rebel against things I’m told I can’t do. Not only is this story impossible right now, it’s just forbidden. It’s the tempting apple, luring me into the type of writing I’m comfortable with. The type I crave.

Then the image followed. A bustling ballroom, with high ceilings and sparkling lights. Flowers strung through reefs. Tiny lights looking like fireflies. Everyone dressed in their very best, fanciful masks covering their faces. Masks that represented their house, their status. Winter whites. Summer greens. Spring pastels and Autumn hues. Then his eyes, warm and jovial, met hers. Sparkling amber melting into icy blue. And I knew. I knew that very instant that the moment was monumental. And it couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. Because it too was forbidden.

*sigh* I can’t. I have no strength to fight her. She’s too strong compared to me. I have no willpower. What is a girl like me supposed to do? Now, the mystery people in my head have a name. When she whispers it into my ears, it sounds so right, like it had been there all along just waiting for me to discover it. They’re real. And they won’t go away.

Art by: fragmented— @ DeviantArt.

6 responses to “Why Am I NOT Surprised?

  1. Give in. You know she won’t leave you alone until she gets what she wants. And besides, why toil away on something you’re just not into?

    I used to try to make my stories follow neatly laid out paths. I used to work on just one story at a time. I used to design my characters ahead of time, and try to be all logical and rational about it. And it was _work_. Then my darling husband gave me Stephen King’s On Writing for my birthday, and I found out that King doesn’t do all that stuff.

    So I decided to give his way a try. And now, writing is fun. I write to find out what’s going to happen next. Of course, the last 5-15 K when you have to wind things up but already know how things will end is a bitch and a half…

    Maybe your muse isn’t trying to distract or derail you. Maybe she’s just trying to get you to remember why you love writing. :o)

  2. Oh Bettie, I hate to say you have a very convincing argument. Ha ha. The minute this idea hit my head, I’ve been mulling it over, obsessed, fascinated, and glad that I wanted to write again. The NaNo story was giving me serious grief.

    I may just have to go with it.

  3. Arg. I wish I had some advice, anything to offer. I could crack a whip if you need it? Truth be told, I hate my current project too. Can I sit on the bench and moan with you a bit? I want to move on to other things, but I have to finish my story as well, leaving me no choice but to slog through it. Erg. Arg. Gasp. *pain* I know I can do it, but oy, I really, really don’t want to. And my muse? I have no idea where that little minx has gone, but I haven’t seen her in weeks! (Sorry to whine on your blog. Forgive me?)

  4. Cora, whine away hun! I completely understand. It’s sooo frustrating! I’m committed to the wip I’m working on, but this new one really just gets more vivid everyday. *sigh* And really… my muse can be so fickle sometimes. It figures she’d come back at the most inopportune times. *shakes head* Maybe we should form some sort of support group?

  5. Thanks, Isabelle. It’s so hard not to jump track and work on the vivid one, isn’t it? I have another story I have put off that I could work on after this one, but I’m as similarly uninspired with it. I’m beginning to think my muse went on a European Cruise or something. She hasn’t even called home. If only she’d taken me with her… A muse support group would be good. :S

  6. Ha ha ha ha. Not laughing at you. That’s precisely what happened to me last year when I tried Nano. It’s like the anti-motivator for me. Except that I had two non-Nano books poking at me. Since I have a deadline this year, I decided that Nano would be the death of me this year, and am skipping it. Follow your Muse. :o)

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