Go ahead. I know Adele’s song is now playing in your head. There’s no judgment. I’m singing it into my hairbrush just as loudly as you are. 😉
Hello friends. It’s been a while. I’m sorry I was away for so long.
There are many, many reasons I could list, but at the end of the day they all end up sounding kind of the same: excuses shouted into the void to hide the truth. That I was broken; emotionally spent after a brutal battle with postpartum depression that, for the most part, seemed to have won. And despite my ability to function on a very base human level, my spirit was not soaring.
I was not feeling creative. I was not writing. I was existing. And that had to be enough for me to make it through the day, every day.
I don’t say that for sympathy. I am well aware that a job is a job. But if you’re wondering why it’s been years, then this is the most basic truth I have for my absence. I won’t sugar coat it, or make excuses for it. It’s a painful and vulnerable truth which I admit because it’s part of my healing. I was not here because I could not be. I could not give you a part of my heart, as I so often do when writing, when I did not feel whole.
And after years of barely reading, barely writing – creative darkness – it finally feels like I’m surfacing. Like I can see the sunlight if I just swim a little harder.
Last week something just… awoke in me. I can’t explain it, but the thrill was familiar. The voice, the desire to create, it roared to life. I’m taking that as a sign that 2018 will be my year. A time to return to something I hold dear. A chance to find myself again, after feeling lost for so long.
I hope you’re willing to be patient with me, as I navigate these waters. And more so, that you give me the chance to tell you more stories, because there are still some pretty epic journeys I want you to take with me!
Comment below! Tell me about your goals for 2018. This is the year we make great things happen.